When I hear kids talk now, it’s like eavesdropping on aliens. Locktober? Mind goblins? What happened to plain old English? Back in my day, we spoke American, wore our pants at our waist, and went to church on Sundays. Now the world is upside down.
As a public service to the old—and the old-adjacent—let’s decode some of this bizarre lingo, catch up on the return of ‘90s nostalgia, and take a look at a viral creator who’s stirring up controversy.
What Is “Locktober”?
(Disclaimer: this is strictly a young-adult trend, not something your kids in middle school are doing.)
Locktober is a BDSM-inspired challenge where men lock up their… equipment… in a chastity cage for the entire month of October, often handing the key to a partner. Unlike incels (involuntarily celibate), these folks are “vol-cels”—choosing to abstain.
Why do it? Motivations vary: some say it makes them feel more submissive, others want to “reset their sexual appetite,” and a few are probably just looking forward to an especially memorable November 1st. Locktober is talked about more in gay communities, but straight participants exist too. Either way, it’s a very different kind of fall tradition than pumpkin spice.
What’s a “Mind Goblin”?
This one’s simpler. Picture a conversation:
Me: I’ve got a mind goblin.
You: What’s a mind goblin?
Me: Mind gobblin’ deez nutz.
Congratulations—you’ve just been owned. That’s all it is: a modern twist on classics like “ligma” or “updog.” Try it out on someone under 25 within the next five minutes for best results.
AI-Generated ‘90s Yearbook Photos
The latest social media craze? AI yearbook pics that make you look like you just stepped out of 1996. The app Epik is leading the charge, topping the Apple App Store downloads.
Here’s how it works: you upload 8–12 photos, pay $5.99, and in a few hours you get 60 images of yourself styled as a ‘90s archetype—jock, cheerleader, nerd, fashion disaster, you name it. It’s silly, nostalgic, and making someone very rich.
Fair warning: if you already have a real ‘90s yearbook photo, this trend may only make you sad.
Read MOre: Nine Ways to Talk to the Dead
Viral Video of the Week: Jon Romano
One of the most talked-about creators on TikTok right now is Jon Romano, a man with a very dark past. At age 16, in 2004, he carried out a school shooting. The teacher he shot survived, and Romano served 17 years of a 20-year sentence. Now, under the handle Jonseekingpeace, he shares videos about his crime, prison life, and his current mission to raise awareness about mental health and preventing school shootings.
Reactions are mixed. Some call him brave for speaking out; others accuse him of profiting from tragedy, highlighting his racist past, or simply demanding that he shut up.
Romano insists he’s changed, but skepticism is warranted. Personally, I find his videos fascinating—but I wouldn’t want my kid idolizing him. Whether you see him as a reformed advocate or an opportunist depends on where you stand on redemption stories. Me? I wouldn’t bet the house on it.
